Why do we keep circling on the same feedback carousel?

Despite decades of books, keynotes, and toolkits, feedback at work still feels broken. Leaders struggle to give it. Employees brace to receive it. HR pros are stuck in the middle, wondering why all of this hasn't made much of a lasting difference.

Maybe the Issue Isn't the Content But the Completeness

Most approaches tackle only half the equation: either how to give feedback better or how to hear it with poise. Rarely do we zoom out to see the whole picture. That's what makes this conversation between Pete and Kevin so refreshing.

Pete Berridge, author of Feedback Reimagined, reframes feedback from fault-finding to future-building. Kevin Wilde, author of Coachability: The Leadership Superpower, brings the other essential half: how to receive feedback with confidence and curiosity to improve. Together, they offer an integrated approach to building a positive culture of feedback and growth that creates something that sticks.

Over coffee, Pete and Kevin compared ideas on how to build that positive culture.

Pete: Kevin, let's get to it. Why is feedback still such a mess? It's supposed to help, but to most people it's like a root canal.

Kevin: Right? It's a great paradox of leadership. Everyone says feedback fuels growth, but ask around and you'll hear horror stories. We need something better.

Pete: Exactly. Giving feedback that lands is tricky. And receiving it without getting defensive? Also tricky. That's why I developed the Shift Positive approach to help feedback givers reframe the conversation so it's solution-focused and growth-oriented. But it only works if the person on the other end is open to hearing it. That's where your "coachability" work comes in.

Kevin: I like your fresh approach to giving feedback, but it's only half of the equation. The magic happens when both sides show up differently: one shifting how they provide feedback, the other shifting how they receive it. We need to invest in both parts!

Let's break this down.

How to Give Feedback That Helps

Pete: For me, it starts with mindset. Don't treat feedback like a performance review. It should feel like you're co-creating possibilities, not handing down judgment. One client told me, "When I get feedback, I feel like I'm under a microscope." That stuck with me. Shift Positive is about flipping that lens and seeing people's strengths and future potential, not their flaws.

Kevin: And the language matters. I like framing things around goals: "Here's something that could help you get to your next level," instead of "Here's what you did wrong." It feels more like a roadmap than a report card.

Pete: I often kick things off by asking, "What do people love most about you? What are your greatest strengths?" People open up when we begin with strengths. They become more creative and curious. That creates psychological safety, which we know is key.

Kevin: But Pete, isn't there a risk that too much positivity waters down the feedback?

Pete: I often hear that concern, but when done right, positivity makes the message land more deeply, not more softly. Let's be clear. It's not about being all positive, but it is about being constructive. You can address very tough subjects in a constructive, solution-oriented way. To do this, however, the feedback provider needs to do some work. They need to get clear about what they want from the other person — what to do rather than what not to do. This addresses a phenomenon called inattentional blindness. If the feedback provider can't see what better looks like, they won't see it even if the receiver begins to change.

Kevin: How about an example?

Pete: A client told me his employee didn't present well in front of the executive team. It was too much detail, too much monologue. Rather than pointing out the shortcomings, I suggested a Shift Positive approach:

"When I see you present to the executive team, you'd be more impactful if you were more concise — lead with the headlines, and save the detail for their questions. That will give them even more confidence that you know your stuff. I'd be happy to prep with you before the next meeting to practice."

Kevin: I see that this points to a more solution-oriented message, but also demonstrates an understanding of the context of what's going on and an underlying positive intent on the leader's part to help the other person succeed.

Why Feedback Falls Flat Without Coachability

Kevin: We've looked at giving feedback. But what about readiness of the person who receives feedback? That's where coachability comes in.

Pete: Totally agree. You can give the most thoughtful feedback in the world, but if the other person's wearing emotional armor, it just ricochets.

Kevin: I once had a client, a sharp guy and a rising star, but every time he got feedback, he'd justify, explain, or flat-out dismiss it. In frustration I told him, "You're working harder to defend your blind spots than to improve."

Pete: Oof. That's real. We all do that to some degree. That's where your notion of coachability comes in. It's about curiosity over control, right?

Kevin: Coachability is about having an open, curious mindset. The most successful leaders I've worked with don't just tolerate feedback, they seek it. They ask, "What's one thing I could do better?" That simple question transforms the conversation. My research indicates that the most effective coachable individuals operate within their "learning zone." It's a balance of "confidence to ask" and "curiosity to improve." You need both.

Pete: I tell clients to adopt a beginner's mindset. It's not about being perfect; it's about being curious. Self-compassion helps too. Feedback can sting, but if you treat it as data rather than a verdict on your worth, you'll continue to grow.

Kevin: Exactly. I tell leaders to see feedback as something FOR them, not ABOUT them. That means assuming positive intent and an interest in helping vs. criticizing. It's the same lens as your Shift Positive notion of being solution-oriented.

Pete: But can you over-index here? I'm wondering if the responsibility to be coachable lets bosses and organizations off the hook?

Kevin: Ok, a fair pushback on your end! There are toxic cultures and bosses where it's darn near impossible to show up open and curious. I'd nudge anyone in those settings to find something better, perhaps in a place that is more Shift Positive? But in the meantime, I still encourage individuals to seek out trusted advisors and truth-tellers they respect and care about. In other words, don't completely shut down; keep seeking coaching and advice to grow. It's the allyship idea you promote, right?

Pete: Correct. Research done on the Shift Positive method found that transforming stakeholders into active allies was crucial to professional growth. The study found that 1) effective leaders share their goals, 2) effective leaders ask for help — they seek out allies and advisors, and 3) the more those allies help, the more they perceive professional growth in that leader.

Quick Tips: Better Feedback for Givers and Receivers

Kevin: We've covered a lot of ground so far, so what would be some quick, practical tips?

Pete: For givers:

• Check Your Intent: Are you giving feedback to help the other person or just venting?
• Start with Strengths: Identify what is working.
• Frame for Growth: Position feedback as a lever for future success, not a list of past failures.
• Make it a Dialogue: Create space for back-and-forth, not just a monologue.

Kevin: And I'll add:

• Stay Curious: There's often a backstory you don't know. Ask as well as tell.
• Look Forward by Being Solution-Oriented: Use "next time" language. It keeps the focus on progress.
• Follow Up and Be an Ally: When offering feedback, be clear about how you will help. Then, make sure to follow through on your commitment.

Kevin: Now for the receivers:

• Operate From Your Learning Zone: Seek or listen to feedback with confidence and curiosity. Assume positive intent.
• Listen Fully: Don't interrupt or formulate your defense mid-sentence.
• Ask Questions: Clarify what you don't understand and let them know you will reflect on what you've heard.
• Reflect and Act: Take the time to step back and review what you've heard and what's of value to improve. Consider taking specific small steps to get started.

Pete: I'll add these:

• Be Patient: Growth is a process, not a flip of a switch.
• Find the Value: Even poorly delivered feedback usually contains a kernel of truth.
• Say Thank You: Giving feedback can be challenging. Showing gratitude encourages more of it.
• Ask for Support: What can that person do, when, and where to help you in your development? Allyship is a core tenet of Shift Positive when giving feedback. Asking for it makes sense as well.

Building a Culture Where Shift Positive and Coachability Lives

So where do we go from here?

If we want to stop spinning on the same old feedback carousel, it's time to zoom out and take in the whole picture. Giving feedback matters. Receiving it well matters just as much. But real change? That happens when both sides show up differently.

That's the shift. That's the completeness.

From Pete and Kevin's conversation, here are five powerful principles to break the cycle and finally build a feedback culture that works:

1. Start with Positive Intent. Give feedback because you care, not because you're irritated. Assume the same when hearing it.
2. Keep it Developmental, Not Evaluative. Be curious to learn when hearing feedback. Frame it about growth when giving feedback.
3. Leverage Strengths. Notice what is working in others and use your strengths to make progress in your areas of development.
4. Make It About Solutions. Share what "better" looks like when giving. Mine for "better" when receiving feedback.
5. Be an Ally, not a drive-by. Feedback should feel like a partnership. Follow up. Cheer them on. Ask for support in return when receiving feedback.

When we bring Pete's Shift Positive lens to giving and Kevin's coachability mindset to receiving, we're not just doing feedback better. We're creating something bigger: a culture of growth, trust, and momentum.